21 Funny Quotes About Diet & Weight Loss (PG-13 Rated!)

Funny quotes about dieting and weight loss w/ pictures: In life you have to have a sense of humor, especially when it comes to dieting. They say that most diets fail within 7 days, so if you don’t laugh, you might just cry. Here are some funny diet-related pics with captions we put together for your entertainment: (Feel free to print or share!) 

Feel free to click on any of the pics to print them out or share with others!


Note: Some of the funny quotes above are kind of a crude remix of existing diet quotes I found online; a couple are quotes from celebrities or famous people. Not sure why everyone was being quoted about diets in the 1950’s and 60’s, as I couldn’t find many newer ones. (see below) Anyway, if you have a good diet quote to add, please leave it as a comment!

Some Famous & Funny Diet Quotes:

“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.” – Orson Welles

Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake. – quote author unknown

“Today I bought a cupcake without the sprinkles. Diets are hard.” – quote author unknown

“Never eat more than you can lift.” – Miss Piggy

“In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and chains. Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale.” – Stephen Phillips

“I’m not afraid of heights, just widths.” – Steven Wright (*Not originally a diet quote, but works for weight gain!)

funny diet pie chart

“I keep trying to lose weight — but it keeps finding me” – quote author unknown

“We’re the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it.” – anonymous quote

“Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not!” – anonymous quote

“The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor.” – quote source unknown

“The cardiologist’s diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.” – unknown diet quote

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“A waist is a terrible thing to mind.” – Tom Wilson

“Obesity is really widespread.” – Joseph O. Kern II

“My wife is a light eater. As soon as it’s light, she starts to eat.” – Henny Youngman

“I’m not overweight. I’m just nine inches too short.” – Shelley Winters

“Food has replaced sex in my life; now, I can’t even get into my own pants.” – unknown diet quote

“I think I just ate my willpower.” – anonymous funny diet quote

“I’m in shape. Round is a shape — isn’t it?” – anonymous funny diet quote. Related: source of death & taxes quotation

“To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.” – Mark Twain

“When we lose twenty pounds… we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.” – Woody Allen

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June 5, 2018

2 thoughts on “21 Funny Quotes About Diet & Weight Loss (PG-13 Rated!)

  1. Joanne Evans

    What’s with all the F*** words in these quotes? Do you think it has to have cussing to be funny? I don’t I think it takes away from the joke!

    Reply
    1. kevin

      To me, it makes it funnier… seeing the retro people swearing, and acting a little gangsta’. Kind of like how South Park is funny because it’s kids cursing and getting bleeped / censored… but thanks for the comment!

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